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Hazing: What Parents Need to KnowDavid Tuttle
Now is the perfect time to do a little emotional spring cleaning.
As the parent of two young adults, I find myself biting my tongue a lot, holding back from verbalizing my thought bubbles. And I know I’m not the only one who engages in this, as many of my friends share that they often do the same thing.
Nobody wants to be the “too up in your business” kind of parent. We all struggle with wanting to speak up when we think we can be helpful, yet we also want our kids to know we believe they are competent adults who can figure things out.
When this clog of emotion builds up, I find myself getting a little snippy and in need of a re-set, and now is the perfect time to do a little emotional spring cleaning. We’re out here dusting away cobwebs and opening our windows to fresh air and sunshine — why not gift ourselves with a clearing out of unnecessary emotions?
This can be as simple as grabbing a notebook and making a brief list of your current emotional baggage. Are you carrying a tiny, sleek clutch or a ginormous backpack?
What are you currently frustrated about? Are you feeling hurt about something? Could your relationship with your adult child use any adjustments? How about with your spouse? Are you going to bed in a bad mood or waking up feeling deflated? It’s been a looooonng two years!
If you’re the kind of person who constantly puts the needs of others before your own, take some time to think about how that behavior is serving you, and how you might go about changing that.
Stepping back can be hard. Moving away from patterns that we’ve been in for decades is challenging and can bring about feelings of loss and sadness. Allowing our kids to self-direct, and sometimes pay profound consequences for their decisions, can feel like we’re giving up or not loving them in the “right” way.
If any of those feelings are simmering below the surface of your consciousness, join me in an emotional release this spring. Here’s a list of things to try:
Most importantly, remember that every emotion is valid, but we don’t need to hang on to all of them.
Help your student take the best possible care of themselves and get support when they need it.