My College:

Meet Adina Glickman! CollegiateParent's newest columnist has practical and compassionate advice on all matters related to supporting your young adult.

Is My Child Too Young for College?

Dear Adina, My daughter is 16 and went from a normal high school situation with many friends to a collegiate high school where friends became null and void (mostly because the kids are so focused on the books and not the type to go to the mall on weekends). While […] Read More

How Do I Find My Empty Nest Groove?

Dear Adina, Now that the kids have left the nest, I’m struggling to find a groove of couplehood after spending 25 years in the parent-first role. Any advice on how to rediscover Me as an individual and also Us as a couple? Dear Empty Nester, You are asking the absolute […] Read More

Should I Help My Injured Student-Athlete Talk to Her Coach?

Dear Adina, My college athlete is injured and her coach does not understand the seriousness of the injury and is angry at her and basically calling her a wimp. She (the coach) won’t look at her or talk to her. I want to clarify the extent of injury to the […] Read More

What Do I Do With My Worry?

Dear Adina, My daughter struggled with an eating disorder during Covid and has now gone very far away to university where she knew only a few people. I know that she is asking advice from my ex-husband’s girlfriend as she sees her as a friend. I am very hurt that […] Read More

It's Hard Not to Over-Focus on My Youngest

Dear Adina, My youngest son is the only one left living at home and it's hard not to over-focus on him. Any tips on how not to do this? Dear Parent, Well, he’s not the ONLY one left living at home, but he is the only youngster and you are […] Read More

Why Has My Daughter Lost All Her Friends?

Hi Adina! My daughter started freshman year with quite a few friends. She is starting her junior year and has literally outgrown all of her friends. This so-called friends group started with a mixed group of friends and due to no fault of my daughter’s, she has lost them all. […] Read More

Can My Student Pursue Their Passion and Still Pay the Bills?

Dear Adina, How do you guide your young adult to balance their intellectual passion and the desire that they shouldn’t struggle to be able to pay the bills? Dear Parent, I have been writing and rewriting an answer to your question for weeks. Why am I stumbling? Simple as your […] Read More

My Student's Friends Have More Cash

Dear Adina, My youngest has made many amazing friends at his college, and an issue is that many of these kids have a lot more disposable money than my son. My son DoorDashes to earn extra money, but he sometimes has a hard time keeping up (financially) with the group […] Read More

Should I Offer Relationship Advice?

Dear Adina, I have a question about how (and whether) we can advise our kids on the subject of choosing a life partner. Say my child has been dating someone who doesn’t treat them with respect. How do I handle that, knowing my child might hold anything I say about […] Read More

How Do I Avoid Comparing Sibling Paths to College?

Dear Adina, I have a high school sophomore who has two older siblings in college. How do I avoid comparing their paths to college? Unfortunately for my third child, his high school career has been upended by the pandemic. Dear Parent, You don’t avoid comparing their paths to college. This […] Read More
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    1 week ago
    CollegiateParent

    “Stop acting like a girl!”

    Words that I used repeatedly to “admonish” my eldest child when she was younger. How I wish I could take them back. How I wish I never uttered any one of them. How I wish I never felt the need to say such words. How I wish I never felt the need to make her feel anything but whole. How I wish…

    Last week during her final recital at the New England Conservatory of Music, she gave me accolades, lots of them. The audience gave me a special ovation and my heart was happy, but I didn’t miss it. While she praised me for supporting her music career from the jump, she didn’t mention my name when it came to her gender, her transition, and her true self.

    As I sit and write this, my heart is heavy and sad. It is filled with tears unshed, words unspoken, hugs ungiven, love unshared. I am filled with emotions. Why did I not affirm her when she was younger? Why was my heart closed to seeing her the way she really was? Why did I allow fear to reign and rain on me?

    It has been 2 years since my eldest child who was assigned male at birth shared about her non-binary gender and they/them pronouns, and 5 months since she shared about her transgender identity and she/her pronouns. And 2 weeks since she shared her new name with me.

    Even though I am relieved because it is all now out in the open, I am still sad, and in mourning. I am scared stiff about the unknown. She has begun transitioning, taking her Estrogen pills and Testosterone blockers. She is “finally free” to be her real self as she said in her closing speech. I can never imagine what that must feel like.

    I cannot even begin to envision what it means to finally live free! She said the other day on the phone that our home was very transphobic when she was a child. I wish I had never played a role in that. But I did. And that is why with tears rolling down my cheeks, I implore you to read these words with an open heart.

    You are a vessel to bring your child into this earth. You are their first love, and they are an extension of your heart. Loving them is a must. Understanding that they are individuals is a must. Allowing them to become who they are is a must.

    Be careful not to think or plan too far ahead. Enjoy their here and now. Rethink the thoughts you allow in your head, the words you say out of your mouth, and the way you act and treat them in your home.

    Several days ago, I sent her a text message where I told her just how proud I am of her and her insistence on living her truth regardless of what anyone else thought.

    I ended the text with “I just want you to know that I have always wanted a daughter”, to which she replied “You have always had a daughter”.

    By Dr. Lulu
    ... See MoreSee Less

    “Stop acting like a girl!”  Words that I used repeatedly to “admonish” my eldest child when she was younger. How I wish I could take them back. How I wish I never uttered any one of them. How I wish I never felt the need to say such words. How I wish I never felt the need to make her feel anything but whole. How I wish…  Last week during her final recital at the New England Conservatory of Music, she gave me accolades, lots of them. The audience gave me a special ovation and my heart was happy, but I didn’t miss it. While she praised me for supporting her music career from the jump, she didn’t mention my name when it came to her gender, her transition, and her true self.  As I sit and write this, my heart is heavy and sad. It is filled with tears unshed, words unspoken, hugs ungiven, love unshared. I am filled with emotions. Why did I not affirm her when she was younger? Why was my heart closed to seeing her the way she really was? Why did I allow fear to reign and rain on me?  It has been 2 years since my eldest child who was assigned male at birth shared about her non-binary gender and they/them pronouns, and 5 months since she shared about her transgender identity and she/her pronouns. And 2 weeks since she shared her new name with me.  Even though I am relieved because it is all now out in the open, I am still sad, and in mourning. I am scared stiff about the unknown. She has begun transitioning, taking her Estrogen pills and Testosterone blockers. She is “finally free” to be her real self as she said in her closing speech. I can never imagine what that must feel like.  I cannot even begin to envision what it means to finally live free! She said the other day on the phone that our home was very transphobic when she was a child. I wish I had never played a role in that. But I did. And that is why with tears rolling down my cheeks, I implore you to read these words with an open heart.  You are a vessel to bring your child into this earth. You are their first love, and they are an extension of your heart. Loving them is a must. Understanding that they are individuals is a must. Allowing them to become who they are is a must.  Be careful not to think or plan too far ahead. Enjoy their here and now. Rethink the thoughts you allow in your head, the words you say out of your mouth, and the way you act and treat them in your home.  Several days ago, I sent her a text message where I told her just how proud I am of her and her insistence on living her truth regardless of what anyone else thought.  I ended the text with “I just want you to know that I have always wanted a daughter”, to which she replied “You have always had a daughter”.  By Dr. Lulu

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    Your daughter’s smile in this picture is everything!

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