Dear Adina

“Mom, it means they are non-binary”. I heard the words unmistakably tumble out of my middle son’s mouth. His voice was steady. He seemed to know what he was saying. He seemed to understand it and have no issues with it. And more importantly, his elder sibling didn’t say anything to disagree with him. In fact, they didn’t say anything at all. And so began my quest for knowledge. My eldest offspring identifies as non-binary. I like to describe them as “a non-binary young adult human”. The first time we met, I fell truly, madly, deeply in love. It was instant! A love as intense as any other, it was mutual. They loved me as much as I loved them. And I have never looked back. I have always known they are in the LGBTQ+ community. I just knew, don’t ask me how. My usual response to the quizzical stares I often receive whenever I give that response is:A mother always knows. I knew and I accepted them right away! Some of my family members had to warm up to the idea, some others have no intention to, and quite frankly, I could care less.Here’s what I care about: the fact that I, a bisexual pediatrician with nearly 30 years’ experience, a self-proclaimed youth suicide prevention activist, knowing what I know about the effect of parental acceptance on LGBTQ+ youth (particularly transgender and nonbinary youth), I still pushed back when I made the discovery about their gender! I pushed back with all my might. I resisted their “non-binaryness”. I wanted to understand what it was and what it meant before supporting them. I wanted time to mourn the loss of their “gayness…” I wanted to hold on to my own ideals, and to the dreams I have for my child. But in so doing, I forgot about said child, and hijacked the agenda!It took a showdown and the following words tumbling out of their mouth for me to stop, listen, redress and get with it. “Mom, it’s not about you!” Hmmm. How many of us think it is about us? How many of us literally forget and make it about us? How many inadvertently make it about us, our friends, our family, our colleagues at work, the neighbors, and everyone in between? Everyone except our child.How many of us pause to think and remember what we all wanted from our parents as teens? Visibility and Validation. We all wanted to be seen and heard, believed, respected, and even left alone. How and why then do we forget those basic concepts when our kids come out of the closet? Needless to say; for some of our kids, it is a matter of life and death as bullying, homelessness and suicide are more common in this community. When it comes to acceptance, it should always begin at home. The life of yours and my LGBTQ+ child can literally hang on the balance. It is hard enough being them. Let’s not add our own flavors to theirs. - by Dr. Lulu, DrUchenna Lizmay Umeh, host of The Pride Corner and Positively Parenting Your LGBTQ* 🏳️‍🌈 Child(ren) ... See MoreSee Less

Meet Adina Glickman! CollegiateParent's newest columnist has practical and compassionate advice on all matters related to supporting your young adult.

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